- Author: Bill Long Author Record # 84169
- Language: English
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Essays
- Curses for Sale (1958)
- After Plexit... (2019)
- Cartoon: "*Juice boxes!" (2009)
- Cartoon: "A simple solution to racism, sexism, and lookism, will be found ..." (1998)
- Cartoon: "Advanced Origami." (1997)
- Cartoon: "An shrinking number of increasingly immense corporations will provide all of our employment, goods, and services, radically altering the quality of ... Life." (1998)
- Cartoon: "And remember, boys and girls, light sabers aren't toys!" (2009)
- Cartoon: "Animals will no longer be used in psychological testing when it is discovered that ... they cheat!" (2002)
- Cartoon: "ANSWER: AARGH! OH GOD, STOP! PLEASE?! PLEASE! OH, GOD! NO! GOD, NO!" (2009)
- Cartoon: "As environmental degradation continues, mutation leave will become a standard employee benefit." (1999)
- Cartoon: "Bioengineering fails to bring about racial harmony ..." (1995)
- Cartoon: "Caller Eradication leads to the extinction of telemarketers, the jerky boys, and old, alcoholic, college friends." (1998)
- Cartoon: "Cell phones will have so many functions that it will be legal to marry them." (2006)
- Cartoon: "Cover your eyes, Mizritz! They have a devolution ray!" (2013)
- Cartoon: "Damn It." (2018)
- Cartoon: "Death Ray! Run!" (2013)
- Cartoon: "Destined to become the most popular superhero of all time, a new superhero will appear ..." (1999)
- Cartoon: "Disney's acendancy continues unchecked. In 2015 it launches it's most ambitious theme park ever. All employees are expected to follow certain rules." (1996)
- Cartoon: "Doodling, Sturgis, has no place in bioengineering." (1997)
- Cartoon: "Drink this, Cinderella, and they'll all be #!?*@%^ princes!" (2014)
- Cartoon: "E-skin® implants will allow us to make money by displaying ads." (2002)
- Cartoon: "Euphemism" (1995)
- Cartoon: "Fairy tales can come true" (2009)
- Cartoon: "Farts will be even funnier." (2011)
- Cartoon: "Flee, Mizritz, flee! They are cannibals!: (2014)
- Cartoon: "From Long's Interpretive Guide to Common Workplace Doodles" (1999)
- Cartoon: "From our catalog ..." (1998)
- Cartoon: "Get that Skanky thing out of my face, fleshbag!" (2000)
- Cartoon: "Human Fails Turing Test" (2020)
- Cartoon: "I get more use out of it than you might think, especially since I burned off my feet." (2013)
- Cartoon: "I heartily concur, Steerbridge. Form does, indeed, follow function." (1999)
- Cartoon: "I'm not sure if this is about zombies or Fox news." (2013)
- Cartoon: "I'm wet, I'm cold, I've got barnacles on my butt. (shoop, shoop.)." (1996)
- Cartoon: "I've had it up to here with these brats. Let's delete them." (2001)
- Cartoon: "It isn't that bad. I feel like I used to after watching TV all day." (2008)
- Cartoon: "It will become clear that H. P. Lovecraft was actually a journalist ..." (1997)
- Cartoon: "LAND DOLPHIN AND PROUD OF IT!" (2010)
- Cartoon: "Look at this teenie-weenie chip, Schmidt! Who would have thought it could replace a great big guy like you!" (1999)
- Cartoon: "Make your own microlife refuge." (2003)
- Cartoon: "Martha Stewart will become Secretary of the Interior." (2000)
- Cartoon: "May I say, sir, what a pleasure it has been sniffing your butt?" (1998)
- Cartoon: "Medical curiosities, pt. IV." (1995)
- Cartoon: "MMMM, it tastes just like chicken." (1998)
- Cartoon: "Monopedalism never really caught on" (2008)
- Cartoon: "My God, Mizritz, I'm being probed!" (2012)
- Cartoon: "My God, Mizritz, we've discovered a silicon-based lifeform!" (2012)
- Cartoon: "Natural Selection: You are there!" (2002)
- Cartoon: "Novelty tombstones will become popular." (1997)
- Cartoon: "Of course it's an anal probe. What else would it be?" (2008)
- Cartoon: "OH, CRAP! I forgot Bob!" (2001)
- Cartoon: "Optimism will be officially declared a mental illness in 2011" (2007)
- Cartoon: "Our clones will ingest all of the yummy foods and intoxicants we crave. We will download their sensations through neural networks ... leaving everything dangerous or fattening in the clones." (2001)
- Cartoon: "Our Giant Future Heads..." (2020)
- Cartoon: "Penetrating pet disguises ..." (1998)
- Cartoon: "Pinocchio vs Dracula." (2006)
- Cartoon: "Politics will become so degraded that only blatent sociopaths will seek office." (1999)
- Cartoon: "Portal to the Great Unknown" (2010)
- Cartoon: "Rampant innumeracy will force a calculator redesign ..." (2001)
- Cartoon: "Sailors of the early 1700's often mistook the Manatee for a beautiful mermaid ..." (1996)
- Cartoon: "Seek employment in a growth industry." (2011)
- Cartoon: "Sexing Aliens" (2017)
- Cartoon: "Soon we will be able to work, shop, and recreate without ever leaving the comfort and security of our own homes ..." (1997)
- Cartoon: "SPECULATIONS GLOBAL WARMING WILL ENCOURAGE MANSCAPING AMONG SASQUATCHES" (2017)
- Cartoon: "SPECULATIONS IF YOU WENT BACK IN TIME AND KILLED YOUR GRANDFATHER YOU WOULD BE A DICK." (2016)
- Cartoon: "SPECULATIONS IN 20_ THE LAST AMERICAN WITH AN APPRECIABLE ATTENTION SPAN WILL DIE..." (2016)
- Cartoon: "Speculations" (2006)
- Cartoon: "Speculations: Alien cartoonist, Pu' Abtu, will be first guest artist!" (2008)
- Cartoon: "Speculations: certain anatomical changes are inevitable." (1996)
- Cartoon: "Speculations: Financial fraud and underpeforming investments will force baby boomers to move in with their parents.: (2012)
- Cartoon: "Speculations: Hideous mutant , Chas Chatterly, will lead a miserable lonely existence ..." (2009)
- Cartoon: "Speculations: In a world of dimming prospects, children's books will change tack ..." (2008)
- Cartoon: "Speculations: Invading brainzoids will be stopped by a deadly ray that causes all cognitive functions to cease." (2009)
- Cartoon: "Speculations: Millions of Years in the future we will be radiant beings of pure energy!" (2011)
- Cartoon: "Speculations: Monster movies will continue to reflect underlying cultural fears." (2006)
- Cartoon: "Speculations: Smart phones will evolve into evil genius phones." (2013)
- Cartoon: "Speculations: The first truly effective diet book will be written ..." (2008)
- Cartoon: "Speculations: The Pluto Interview!" (2012)
- Cartoon: "Speculations: There will be evidence that the creator is bored." (2011)
- Cartoon: "Speculations: We will become a popular subject for alien nature shows" (2009)
- Cartoon: "Sports will stop being a dreary bore when the balls can defend themselves." (1999)
- Cartoon: "Starting next year, every baby will come pre-loaded with Microsoft software." (1999)
- Cartoon: "Startling adaptations will help wildlife overcome habitat loss." (1997)
- Cartoon: "State of the art euphemisms will help us through the chronic, population driven food shortages of the twenty first century ..." (2005)
- Cartoon: "Supernova; So-so nova; This-never-happened-to-me-before nova". (2015)
- Cartoon: "Take the guesswork out of your diagnosis!" (1996)
- Cartoon: "Thanks Saves-You-From-Yourself man. Thanks a lot." (2003)
- Cartoon: "The 500th channel." (1995)
- Cartoon: "The Cabbage Pierogi Theory of Creation" (2018)
- Cartoon: "The government will find a viable, non-tax based revenue stream ..." (2001)
- Cartoon: "The most noxious pollutant will finally be treated at its source." (1999)
- Cartoon: "The population of lawyers will outstrip forage and a short hunting season will be declared ..." (1997)
- Cartoon: "The princess and the frog (cutaway view)." (1999)
- Cartoon: "The Proper Little Parasite." (1996)
- Cartoon: "The real information superhighway." (1999)
- Cartoon: "The service sector will define hitherto unimagined employment opportunities ..." (1996)
- Cartoon: "Though matter transmitters will make travel instantaneous, baggage handling problems will persist ..." (1999)
- Cartoon: "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — Mr. go-for-it, rah! rah! adventure boy — I took the one less traveled by ..." (2002)
- Cartoon: "We will learn that God didn't so much create the universe as find it in her purse when she was looking for something else." (2006)
- Cartoon: "We'll just let 'nature take its course'." (2007)
- Cartoon: "What an intelligent little species! Yes it is! Wudda-wudda ..." (2007)
- Cartoon: "What the hell was THAT!" (2004)
- Cartoon: "What would do if this was your last day on Earth? Quick?" (2015)
- Cartoon: "When aliens probe you ask them to do a colonoscopy while they're in there." (2011)
- Cartoon: "Where are we dumping the sludge?" (2000)
- Cartoon: "Where to find takers here, the U.S. government will sell treasury debt to SPACE ALIENS!!!" (2011)
- Cartoon: "Will kill for food." (1998)
- Cartoon: "Will we thrive in the new information economy?" (1996)
- Cartoon: "You are in your power!" (1995)
- Cartoon: "You ought to get out more, according to experts." (2004)
- Cartoon: "Zen Voodoo." (2003)
- Cartoon: Bob Is Very, Very Sick But in the Future They May Know How to Cure Him! (2018)
- Cartoon: Declining literacy will drive the proliferation of pictographs. Over time pictographs will succumb to the shorthand of abstraction ... reinvigorating literacy." (1998)
- Cartoon: Falling Rocks (2017)
- Cartoon: no caption (1996)
- Cartoon: no caption (1997)
- Cartoon: no caption (1997)
- Cartoon: no caption (1998)
- Cartoon: no caption (2002)
- Cartoon: no caption (2002)
- Cartoon: no caption (2004)
- Cartoon: no caption (2004)
- Cartoon: no caption (2007)
- Cartoon: no caption (2016)
- Cartoon: no caption (Frankenstein with Christmas lights) (2013)
- Cartoon: no caption (snowman Dracula rising from freezer coffin) (2010)
- Cartoon: Spaceware Trends (2018)