Note: This story was written for a challenge, as the author explains: "At the suggestion of Brendon Taylor, one of our illustrious board members, the entire board of directors of Deep Magic was challenged to write short stories following the most difficult and crazy prompts sent in by our readers. Our crack team of First Readers hand-selected the best prompts and randomly assigned them. We were given a short window of time in which to write these stories, and we are presenting them as bonus content for your enjoyment—or your gentle mockery."